I'm so tired of all of these lies.

I'm sorry when did my business become your business? Ass hole.
After everything I've done for you, you still turn round and speak so rudely to me? Fuck off then.
You're the mug not me.


Otherwise, I'M SO HAPPYYYYYY ;'D.

Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep.

Alright blog, 'ow ya doing?
Me personally, I'm doing amazing right now. I so so so love this summer already. It's soo hot! I've seen loads of different mates, been shopping soo much ;'D, met the most amazing teams ever in the form or LHC and ATFC and and and it's only the start ;'D.
Induction next week, should be a laugh if I'm honest. And I'm not gonna lie I quite like this whole uniform thing now with the amount of new clothes I've got, that's always good times. I swear to god if I get eggs thrown at me though I will not be happy ha.
Then then then a week tomorrow I'm off to Weston super mare with my best friend! T4 ON THE BEACH 2O1O! Four years running now. This year is gonna be the best one yet me thinks. I'm so looking forward to it. It's came around so quickly too eeeeee!
Then I'm back in good ol' Letchy for like a week when daddy whisks me away to Bulgaria for two weeks. With my nephews this year! Oh my goodness! I'm gonna love love love love love that holiday so much. I very exciteee!
Then home for one night and holiday with mummy for a week. EEEEE ;'D.
Then volunteering for the rest of the summer hopefully.
I'm so so so looking forward to it.
Kinda anxious about this summer too. I'll be able to see someone like once? And then I wont be able to speak to them for about a month and a half. What if in that time it all changes? I like it how it is, slowly progressing. And yeah, I think, I may, kind of, like like them ;/. FML moment right there ha! This scares me, a  lot. Well we'll see dear, we'll see.
For now I am off too eat my chicken and then off out before going to bed and waking up to another sunny day round the Anderson household ;'D.
Byeeeeeee.

Maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all you're my wonderwall.

oh hai I'm Becky and I tend to just write letters to people on here.

Hey you :).
How's the whole boring walking thing-ma-jig going? Missing me aren't you ;) ha!
Okay so I haven't spoken to you since Saturday and I know you joked around that I'd miss you but thing is I seriously do miss talking to you, after two blady days ;/.
And I've still got another day to go, it seems so weird.
That can't mean anything, can it?
See thing is you, well you're just amazing really aren't you? You're one of the people I'm closest to right now and I wouldn't ever want to do anything to hurt you. Which is why I don't think I do want an "us". I couldn't possibly hurt you, that would be to unfair and lets be honest, this is me, it's inevitable I'll hurt you. And then when it breaks down where would that leave us? Can you even imagine how awkward it would be at hockey meets. In fact I don't think I'd come, after all they were your friends first weren't they.
Also I'm scared for it to happen. Not scared that it'll fuck up and all go wrong but scared that actually I might do something right? Can you imagine ha!
Basically I'm sorry for not knowing what the hell I want, my head is so so so confused right now. akjajkdfkjaskjdhcn Bleh.
I basically just wanted to write to tell you actually yeah I already miss you and I hope you're having a good time. I'll see you erm Wednesday maybe?
That's all for my pointless message. Bye.

lalalallaaaa

Okay so just a heads up this will be a long blog, with rants but good points too because actually life's pretty good right now minus a few cunts.

ARGH. ;ldknfkadbsh kh bds! I don't know why I let you get to me so much.
You bitch about me behind my back for trying to cheer someone up? Okay then. That's the one group of people I geniuenly thought didn't judge me and you changed that view and made my paranoia sky high. Thanks you stupid bitch. He's going through a hard time and you're not helping him. He's missing his dead mother that his "best friend" told him he belongs to be with right now for goodness sake. Do you not have a heart. I for one know what it's like to feel like the whole world around you is falling apart and you have no one, so if I want to be there and just tell him to keep his head up so that he knows he isn't actually alone so be it I will. You are not one to judge me when you don't know what I've been through or what he's going through at that. All I was trying to be is nice fucking hell. Mind my french.

And you, you're just a joker really aren't you. "Close friend", my fucking arse. Don't really think I need to say any more on that matter.

Soo things are actually going really well at the moment, exams aren't too hard, my selection of friends is decreasing yeah but at least I know they're the true ones. And to top it all off the world cup is on, love it!
I also love how I haven't panicked about exams or done any revision, this probably isn't a good thing but hay hoe what can ya do ;).
Today was amazing. Out with the sexy's was really fun. Picnic in kenedy with Miss Freer. I love her lots, keep smiling baby. Then the best friend came, even though we didn't get to see Terry ;). HA! Then football training, which was jokes, I do really feel a part of that group now, surprisingly it hasn't be that hard to leave :Letchworth now I have them, that's kinda dred but oh well.
Then you. Oh my goodness how do I thank you enough. You're always always there to cheer me up and make me feel better. You don't have to and I know that but you're just so lovely that you do it as second nature. You're the only person that put a smile on my face tonight when I was crying. you're amazing to me. It's great how after only a couple of months you've become one of my closest friends. I'll speak to you in the morning and no doubt all of tomorrow, and I know you don't read this but I really needed to say thanks. so thank you batmannn ;).

Anyhow best get some sleep, want to get up tomorrow and tidy up. Then having coffee with John, how sophisticated ;). Ha na that should be good :). Then off to Rand's cause I miss and love her lots.

Nanighttt xx

Could you walk in her shoes?

LOOOL Well I never, that's all my fault? What a surprise.
ALLOW.

I had such a good night, I haven't laughed that much in so so long.
Unbelievably happy right now.
So looking forward to this summer, bring it on.
That is all ;).

Just give me one chance to get it right?

So today I failed my exam.
Broke my Ipod.
Couldn't kick a ball straight for shit.
Popped my knee cap out.
Got told I look like a man.
Got told I'm pathetic because of my biggest fear.
Realised half my "friends" lie behind my back.
Got told I'm a home recking whore who is going to get no where in her life.
And lost a best friend.

What a successful day.

Hi, I'm Becky and I hate myself right now.
I'm beyond help.
And I have no one that will stand by me because I'm such a bitch that I push everyone that ever meant anything away some how.

Hi, I'm Becky and I give up.

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror.

Lets welcome back the Becky we all know and love.
The one where her biggest fear is herself.
Yup that's it, well done biology you made it hit home, I'm a failure.
I love how I use that term, because to me anything under an A is a fail (y).
Oh how I love this.
Fuck it, bed time.

You're better off alone.

I'm sick and tired of this.You treat me like complete shit far too often.
Everything's always my fucking fault. Always blaming me. If I ever got in a mood with you about half the stuff you got in a mood with me for, you'd tell me I was pathetic or actually no you'd turn it around on me, of course you would.
I'm done, do I really deserve to put up with this seriously?
What have I ever done so wrong to you. I've stuck by you through thick and thin.
Ah fuck this shit.
I'm done.
I started off with no one and I was better off that way.

And then there's you too. You're an asshole.
But tbh she deserves you. you'll never learn will you, cunt.

Allow.
Angry rant over.