We gonna dance on.

Last day was pretty amazing to be honest. Yes in the assembly I cried, a lot and reading a few peoples messages made me cry too. But just having a day of laughs was great.
It saddens me that I've only really started to talk to everyone now that it's come to the end but hay I guess that's just the way life is.
BBQ was pretty awesome too to be honest. Had a right laugh. I was gonna write something about a person here but  I've started a whole new blog for them so I'll leave it.

Basically I love class 2O1O.

Now I've had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you.

Class of twenty ten. Wow. I can't believe it's been five years already.
Prom was so so so amazing. Seeing everyone dressed up and how we've all come together as a year group, everyone was so lovely. And actually all looked so beautiful. It was incredible.
And the video, it was pretty darn awesome. I can't stop watching it. Anthem of our year group, good times roll deep, for sure! And the end song of the video gets me every time.
Oh my tomorrow's going to be so upsetting, I already cried today let alone it being the last day tomorrow.
I can't wait for the bbq, everyone together for the last time it'll be great.
And yes I know I'm staying next year, but people I've been to school with since I was 2 or 3 are going and I probably won't ever see them again, that makes me so so sad.
Oh dear, imagine how upset I'd be right now if I would have gotten into college ;/. Ha.


Roll of tomorrow, this is our day I guess.
Thankyou for the amazing memories, I love you class 2O1O <3 <3 <3.










Additional note, but also LGCE has come to an end.
Nine years of playing for them and all of a sudden nothing, it's all over.
Tuesday used to be my favourite day because I knew at the end of it, no matter how bad my day had been, those girls would put the biggest smile on my face.
I don't know what I'ma do with myself on a tuesday evening now, it's going to be so weird without you girls.
Thank you for being the best team I've ever ever come across.
I love you all so so much and am going to miss you every second.






"I'm gonna leave the day behind, don't you worry 'cause I'm gonna have a real good time".


This set me off in tears, I'ma wimp.

 No matter how much I'm falling apart, I'll do it with a smile on my face.

I miss you every second.

I miss everything about you, can't believe that I still want you.

Wow. I miss you so much I sit here and cry, nightly. It's so pathetic it's been days and I miss you. More than I ever thought I could miss anyone. Ever. It's crazy.
I can't believe I lost you, I can't believe you think I'm mad at you. I think about texting you and setting it straight but what if you don't care now?
I can't believe I'm going to celebrate my birthday without you. I don't know if I can do it.
Surely by now I should be over this. Or at least better at controlling it.
If I had one wish I'd use it on you.
And I know all I ever wanted was for you to be happy and believe me, I'm so glad you are. But that was suppose to be me.
I guess all I can say is I'm sorry.
I miss and love you, everyday.



Now that that's out of the way maybe I can fill my head with other things, like exam prep, which I haven't done ;/.
FML!
So the exam's aren't going too great but hay the only way is up right?
COLLEGE ARE FUCKING DICKHEADS!
And my tan is not very apparent.
But hay hoe, today's been a hell of a lot better than yesterday. I love love love my best friend and my mummy and the hockey lot.
They've made today amazing.
Thank you.
That was pointless last bit but oh well.
Finger crossed for my xray tomorrow, fuck my ankle ;/.
Anyhow, night xx

I'm only gonna let you kill me once.

Okay it's probably not a good thing that my exam is in twelve hours and I've done no revision right?
It's probably an even worse thing that I don't even care..
Oh my.
Oh well ha.
Night.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU VERY VERY MUCH.

The word's "best friends" clearly mean nothing anymore.
You will chat all that shit and blame this all on me so I'm in shit then still turn around and text me saying you're always here and that I'm always your best friend? Fuck off, you're a cunt. I never thought I'd get to this point, ever, but I genuinely despise you right now. I'm actually shaking with rage. Fucking piece of shit.
And then the rest of you with all your indirect status' and siding him over me? Screw you then.
I cant wait for me to fuck off and leave you all behind. 'Cause believe me in two weeks that's exactly what's going to happen.
You think I fucking need any of you? I don't need anyone. Especially not fake friends like you. I'll be a success with or without you as friends. Infact actually I've already made it without you, where were you all last year, when I needed someone to be there more than anything? When I didn't have any strength left to carry on, where were you helping me? Ha no where. Fuck you, seriously.
Every man for themselves is the way I'm going to play it now.
And if any of you don't like it then you can sling your hook.
Cunts.
Angry rant, over.

YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS ;).

You keep going on about it and now I just don't care. Infact I'm very happy right now :').
Happy post for a change. I'm sorry for all the depressing ones, just that's pretty much the only times when I need to write :').
Anyhow toodles.

;/

Oh hai depression welcome back. Boy are you gonna have fun this week, it's gonna be one of the best yet I can just tell. You might want to tell my eyes that someone might try and turn them black, k thanks. That's all. I hope you have fun breaking me down slowly.
And don't worry I've already figured out you can live off lemon squash for like 5 days max (y).

I'm gonna find a way of living without you.

Hmmm if someone would have said to me two months ago the only two people that would put a smile on my face today would be you two I would of just laughed. I never could of imagined it would be you but I'm so glad.
Thank you for making me smile, if only for a little bit. Thank you for backing me up and saying you'll be there. It means so much.
So yeah thank you batman and dunkz, love for you.

Anyhow I really wish this blows over, I'm done with tears it's unreal.

I will let you down, I will make you hurt.

You had this coming all along. If you were a nicer person this shit never would of happened to you. You're a cunt. You deserve to sit and cry. I'm not surprised you've wanted to just disappear for the last two years. Go on, go do everyone a favour and just go. For good. Cut one more time, break that promise to her too, you never were good at keeping them. Hurt one more person why you're at it. Or you could do it and not tell her, like the selfish twat you are. All you've ever done is lie to protect yourself, in fact you've gotten so good at it you don't even realise you are any more. And the worst thing is you still continue to.
Look what you are. You sicken me. I hate you more than anyone I've ever come across.
Every time I look in the mirror I want to physically hurt you.
Becky, you're a disgrace to mankind and I despise you, and have done for a few years now.

Boy you know I'm crazy over you.

No matter what I do all I think about is you. (L)You know what forget it. Forget it all, the one of the only people I really wanted at my birthday thing was you and you're not coming because she doesn't want you to. Thanks, "best friend".
Yanno what if she doesn't make you happy and she stops you from doing what you want why the fuck are you with her. Yeah you love her blahblahblah, but you don't. If you did you wouldn't behave the way you do and you know what I mean. So why carry on pretending seriously? Who's it helping. Not you, you're not happy. Not her, she clearly is paranoid as fuck. And not me, especially not me.
Look at me I'm right back to square one sitting listening to that fucking song crying. Because at this very time of year again you've fucked me over and I hate it but I can't ever, ever bring myself to hate you. Not even dislike you. Believe me I've tried. The worst bit is you know exactly what you're doing.
I still can't forget you even after this long. Thank you for knowing everything I've been through and yet continually trying to break me down even more. And mostly thank you for knowing exactly what to say so that I forgive you every time.
I wish I could hate you, so so badly.

You're everything I thought you never were,
and nothing like I thought you could have been,
and yet you live inside of me so tell me how is that?
You're the only one I wish I could forget,
the only one I love to not forgive,
and though you  break my heart you're the only one
and though there are times when I hate you 'cause I cant erase,
the times that you hurt me and put tears on my face,
and even now when I hate you it pains me to say that I will be there at the end of the day.
I don't wanna be without you babe, I don't want a broken heart.

Damn I wish I woulda seen you coming.

I'm in such an amazing mood it's unreal.
I'm knackered but so happy, I love this.
I have such a good feeling about the next few months.
I can't wait, this is when my life takes off, bring it on ;).

Stop crying your heart out.

I have the biggest screw loose ever, seriously. On a major hype then suddenly I think everyone finds me annoying and hates me. What the actual hell. I'm fucked up.The best bit is I know it's not true but I can't help but tell myself it is, so now I'm debating to go places tomorrow incase actually no one wants me there and of course they'll all just laugh about me after.

And now they all think it's about them, which it is, but I don't want them to know cause then they'll all hate me even more than they do now. Especially him cause obviously he already thinks I'm an obsessive annoying bitch. Oh and a slut because I talk to him a lot aswell now.

Fuck my head. When did I get this bad, seriously. My mood can change it seconds and it's only ever extremes, like crazy happy or mega depressed and I know it pisses everyone else off but I seriously can't help it, I've tried.

And now everyone thinks I'm a mega crazy person. Fun.

I need help. ;/.

I'm more than what you made of me.

FML, it's May already. 17 days until my first exam and I haven't started any of my revision ;\.
It really scares me that I'm seriously not panicked right now.
I so so so should be, but I just have so much cba it's unreal.
I haven't even finished my food tech coursework or my IT and I doubt I will finish them.
My god, this is stupid and I'm trying to get into a major college, ha I'm so stupid the best bit is I don't even care.
Oh dear.
And this means 20 days until Prom YAY ;'D. Oh and 22 days until my birthday, not that anyone cares about that, I hate my birthday, something always goes wrong ha.

Anyhow, I best be off to get ready for shopping ;'D.
Toodles darlings.