SJKBFGVALD J,V

Dear food tech,
I've never hated anything in this world more than I hate you. The only reason why I took you is because I need to reinforce in my head that my place is in the kitchen. Never once did I anticipate that at half two in the morning I would be writing about peas. Fucking peas, that's what you've brought my life to. And now I have to write about some pie charts and then write about bread and sauce and other shit I couldn't care less about. I don't like eating, I don't like food, I don't like writing about food and I don't even like cooking food any more, why on this earth did I ever ever pick this subject.
If your coursework wasn't 50% of your whole GCSE I'd just say fuck off and if I can't get most of you done in the next hour this is probably the exact thing I will be saying.
Rightyo, I'll see you in a second you complete and utter piece of wank :).

Hi, I'm a failure, but it's okay appaz I'll get money other ways :')

I offically fail, I can't physically stay up any longer and I still have like 30 pages left.
I don't even care any more ha.
Night.

-.-

FML. I hate food tech.

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Born a paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl.
Maybe if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back,
push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl.

Oh hey sexy :). How've you been?
I love how I speak to this as if it's a real person that I can trust ha.


So today's been great. I love being happy again.Everyone prefers happy Becky right ;).
Oh and tomorrow whole day off timetable to sit  and eat shit *punches air in joy*. Ha, I need to stop doing that air punching thing, I mean I've always done it secretively cause I thought it was lame but then you did it and I kinda thought oh okay I'm not the only one, but now, you're just lame :') ha. OH 11:11 quick make a wish! I'm cool ;).


I'm so so excited about Wednesday and Thursday night, they should be good times man.
And Friday seeing my daddy, all of my sisters AND my gorgeous amazing nephews, EEEE.
I so can't wait.
In fact I can't wait for the whole of Easter, it's going to be pretty darn amazing!
Camping, Nottingham, Manchester, Skins party, excessive amounts of alcohol, BRING IT ON ;'D.


Can anyone tell I'm really happy? Ha.


I should probably sleep yanno ;L.
Night darling.

I'm trouble yeah.

Hmm hi :).
So last night was completely amazing. You didn't ruin the way I felt at all and I had the best time I could have. I'm done with you now, if you want to talk I'm here, of course I will be, I'm a good person and I promised I'd always be there, but that's all it'll be for, to talk. See I never deserved this and now I see it. I owe that to my friends. The hockey lot just made me properly realise last night.
EEEE it was so so so good. This time I didn't get too drunk or hysterical, I got drunk enough though, this morning sure made me realise that ha. I've fallen over and bruised my actual knee cap so now I can hardly walk. I broke the flippy thingy on my phone so now I have to have the other back. They rang you up and screamed at you, ha dick'ed ;). I convinced everyone my middle name was actual Pythagoras ha! All in all fantastic night me thinks :').
I LOVE LGC HOCKEY CLUB :').

And the rest of the weekend has been boom, with my Rachael.
Smile bubba, I LOVE YOU!

EEEE Becky is happy. Everyone loves happy Becky.
You'll see what you've missed so and I, well I'll revel in it ;).

Where are you now? Now that I need you.

Hmmm, once again my blog is going to be about you. This is the first Friday since then end of December, at least, that I haven't been with you or spent at least an hour on the phone to you. I never knew this week would be so hard and the worst bit is you don't even seem to care, it's crazy.You've told people other stories so I'm the one that comes across badly, thank you so much, you knew everything and now you run away (Y).
Forget you. Ha, if only I could that easily.

Today was the biggest fail ever, I'm knackered from working myself so hard and yet I couldn't even complete what I was meant to because of my fucking knees. I so can't carry on like this, fuck my life ha.

So now I have my Randz to cheer me up, good times. It makes me realise how much I love my friends, it's all okay :).

Toodles.

HAKUNA MATATA IT MEANS NO WORRIES ;')

Hmm so after feeling like shit for third and fourth lesson I now feeling amazing.
And I have written inspirational quotes all over the front of my English book because I am that cool. Personally my favourite is "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!" Paha I'm cool ;).
"You will love again the stranger who was yourself."
I know I will, I'll get there. I'll learn to love myself again, I'll be content with my life. I feel that day will be coming soon, it's been a long time coming really, this is fab ;). Ha, that's a lame word ;).

So today's been a bit up and down. I caved in too. That's bad times, I think, although I'm not completely sure, we'll see I guess.
Gym and dance in a week, fml :| ha and food tech deadline a week tomorrow, oh this is funny times, ha oh well :).
For now I'm going to revision timetable it up and watch despo wifeys, hell to the yes :')
Night xx


OH AND GIANT SIGH OF RELIEF!
Oh my goodness, I've never been more happy about this happening ever ha.

when you lose something you can't replace.

Hmmm okay so today really made things hit home. I miss you.
There's no other way to put it.
Times like now when I don't get a good night text. Or waking up in the morning to nothing.
See I'm so used to being woken up by a text now I just automatically wake up around the time you used to send them, only to sit there for ten minutes then realise and crawl back under the covers not wanting to move any more.
And I've been texting tonnes of people to try and keep my hands busy and fill in that void, but it doesn't work, they're not you. No one is, it's not the same, in the slightest. 
I don't get this. Today when you sat next to me, yeah to start with that was a bit awkward but then you started joking with me like you used to and then in P.E it was the same mostly, you don't want to stop behaving like that with me, and I don't you, so why are we doing this? I don't understand. The trust thing, I do trust you, more than anyone. I promise. 
I don't care if we don't go there again, okay actually that's a lie, but actually mostly I just want to talk to you. 
You became like my closest friend, I spoke to you from when I woke up to when I went to sleep and now nothing at all. It hurts so bad.
I know in front of people I act like I don't care, but you of all people know that's just my act. They can't know I fail at being happy, you can't know to be honest, but you do, 'cause you're the only one who understood me. You get why I do it, because you do it too. You knew me more than anyone. 
I guess it's like I almost need you?
Ha look at me, I'm so pathetic.


Hmm so yeah basically today I realised I miss you, a hell of a lot, especially talking to you.
Just come back, it'll be different, I promise you.
;/.




Ha. Every one reading this now things I need to get a grip.
I agree, I'm pathetic.
Fuck this, night.

hmm :)

Oh hi smile.
About time you reappeared.
Turns out I really didn't care as much as I first thought.
Wow I'm so good at this whole not letting people get too close thing now, and this is why, it's paying off :').
Pahaa.
Now all I have to say is, bring it on coursework, then I can laugh in Miss Robertsons face like she did mine :').

.

YOUR A COMPLETE AND UTTER ASSHOLE!
I DON'T WANT TO "JUST BE FRIENDS".
I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOU RIGHT NOW.
ARGHH, SUCH A FUCKING MALE! ;/


now I've gotta go to this fucking dinner dance and my make ups all down my face, thanks for picking such a great moment (Y).
I'm so fed up of being like this.

ha mug.

You, amazing you, the person who could make my day.
Yeah you just broke it.
I let you in, I showed you that letter. That was me trusting you. I thought you cared and then you went and said that, now I believe you're only in this for one thing and I'm no longer that type of girl, at all.
I thought you liked me, for real, not just saying it. And you still say you do, a lot, you just said the wrong thing at the wrong moment, but I don't know if I believe you. 
Yeah I trust you, otherwise I never would have shown you that letter, but I don't believe it.
You weren't meant to make me cry, not yet anyway, and now look at me, I've been crying for the past two hours straight.
You say you don't want to hurt me, but look at me, when you left my make-up was run all over my face, did you want this? Really?
Right now I feel like a complete mug, I fell for it once again, once again I was gullable enough to believe all those lies, now I just need to know the truth, what do you want from this? Me? Or yeah?
I want an honest answer 'cause there's no way I deserve to be that hurt all over again.


Think about it, I'll be waiting.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

you just cant get enough can you ;/.

Since I was about four you've stolen everything and everyone off of me, I should've known this wouldn't be any different. Why would it be? You're still the selfish two faced lying bitch you've always been, you're pathetic.
Ha I'm meant to be a close friend, one you've known since play group and you treat me this way.
Have them go on, if they end up being mine you'll want them anyway it's obvious, and when it's me or you there not really any contest is there? The only thing I've got that you don't have is a brain. You may me one of the dumbest pieces of shit I've ever met so you play on your looks and your figure. And yeah there not that great but they're better than mine, so you'll just use them to behave in such a slaggish way it's unreal.
ARGH! Selfish piece of shit, fucking wanker faced ass hole! 
asjklfafkv djfnmalsn -.-

Ahh now physio, allow.
On a smilier note, it's Friday.

:))

Hmm, you've really blown it mate.
She never deserved that, none of us did. I hope it completely ruined your birthday you inconsiderate asshole. :).

On a happier note you make me tremendous amounts of happy. Hmm I can't wait for tomorrow night. EEE.

Allow coursework I'm knackered.
Night gorgeous.

.

You're a headfuck.

I don't understand (Y)

This appears to be going NOWHERE!
Why the fuck am I still trying. I want to say I'm done, but clearly that would just be lies.
Fuck sake ;/.

She always feels so small,

pushed aside, a flower on the wall
they never ask her name
no one sees, the girl without a face
she spills these words across the page
it helps to ease the pain, and she cries

nobody out there wants to understand
nobody out there takes me as I am
I’m feeling alone here
I know there’s got to be somebody somewhere.

That’s all she wrote.

i wont tell anyone how you turn my world around

I wont tell anybody how your voice is my favourite sound

wont tell anybody, wont tell anybody,

they wanna see us fall, they wanna see us fall,

I don't need a parachute baby if I've got you.

Wow I haven't been like this in so so long. So so happy, it kinda scares me if I'm completely honest.

It's all your doing, I hope you know that. You're just plain amazing if I'm being perfectly honest.

I'm terrified.

EEEEE. Such a good weekend. NEW SHOES! Oh my, I'm in love with them! Both of my new pairs of heels, the flats are nice too but no one really cares about flats.

Seeing daddy and having football, which was quite a jokes game to be honest, my knees are going to pay tomorrow though.

Ahh get to see my Rachael tomorrow too, happy times, I think so.

I thinks I'm going to go sleeps so that I can await my text in the morning that will read something like, "morning beautiful, how did you sleep?xxxx". Cute much :').

Oh but before I go.

Happy mothers day mummy.

You're like one of my closest friends, I know you don't read this but hay hoe you can have a mention anyway.

Thank you for everything you've done and continue to do.

You're my idol; everything I wish I could be.

I love you with all my heart; forever and a day.

Nights xxx

:')

I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND ALOT
SALLY CHARLOTTE PRIDMORE (L)

:D

Mood = a lot better.
Right now I feel way more loved, clever, appriciated and mostly happy. Yay.
Although your comment pissed me off but hay hoe.
I love talking to you again to, man you make me smile.
Eeeee, night bubba's.

and i will try to fix you.

"gotta believe without it there is no reason to live!"

Mhmm exactly, and I'm losing all belief in not only myself but everything around me so why should I continue.
I'm not fucking living at the moment, I'm barely surviving.
I'm fed up of feeling like this. If happiness is just a state of mind, someone please teach me how to get into it, because surprise surprise, I fail.
Back into the cycle I go, exactly like last year.
Oh well if I hit rock bottom again the only way is up right.

My blog is so happy these days ha.
Fuck it. Night.

HA :')

My paranoia has moved on a step.
This is wonderful, I feel so low all the time at the moment, fml.

I didn't know where this was going when you kissed me.

Are you mine? Are you mine?
'Cause I stay here all the time, watching tele, drinking wine.
Who'd have known, who'd have known, when you flash up on my phone I no longer feel alone.


Woah. The amount of people that have treated me like complete shit today is unreal. Yanno what though, fuck you, I don't care.
My knees are killing.
And, I can't believe I doubted you. I'll probably end up regretting saying that but oh well ha.
It was amazing you just ringing me and telling me you'd be round in a minute, such a surprise, but exactly what I needed to put a smile back on my face. You always know how to make me smile though, ahh I'm so glad I have you there, you're always there, thank you, so much.
I still don't know where we stand though ha, it's confusing me a tad.


Hmm allow tomorrow, especially english ;/.
Ahh fuck it, I'm gone bed, night.


Told your friends, they all know, we exist but we're taking it slow.
Lets just see how we go, now lets just see how we go.

FIX UP LOOK SHARPPPP

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
THREE HOURS FORTY MINUTES UNTIL I SEE MY BABY.

HE'S JUST A RASCAL DIZZEE RASCAL (L).

EVERYTHING I'M SAYING I'M SHOUTING!
I EXCITE ;'D.

;'/

I want to break down and cry.
I need to know what's going on, for real.
Do I seriously deserve this?
Fuck sake.

you dont like me you just want the attention

My paranoia session I've had over the last few days has gone, I think, I hope.
I sincerely hope this doesn't become a regular thing ha. God help me and everyone else if it does ;/.
I may still ask though, just to see where I really do stand.
I'll do it tomorrow, face to face as I am not one to suffer from shyness. Ha.

I've been so happy today, it has been an amazing change from the past few days.
I think my pains just killed my mood with everything, I was a tad too grumpy maybe? Ha.
Oh wells they've gone, hopefully never to come back after I've gone to the doctors. Yay for that yes? ;).

I think its time for my nightly nap ;).
Tomorrow, revision and relaxation, yay? :|.
Ha, night xx

i hate PE :|

Oh. My. Good. God.
Its Three in the morning and I am STILL doing PE coursework.
Shoot me now?
I'm all out of coke, god help me is all I have to say right now. :'|.

Oh and god help anyone that annoys me tomorrow! ha.

it don't mean that you have me yet.

That's so fucking charming, "Nothing makes me happy these days."
Thanks.
I just don't know, I feel like complete worthless shit today.
Why am I so jealous of her? Okay now I feel as if maybe I have every right to be.
She's gorgeous, then look at me, ha, I don't really compare do I?
If you're not in this for any reason but me, then please just leave. This may sound vain but there is no way on this earth I deserve to be treated that way again, like I'm second best, even if I am.
I don't want you to have to "settle" for second best.
If that leaves me alone so be it, I'll get there at some point, at some point in my life I'll be happy, for a long long time.
For now I just count down the days until I can get away and make that dream come true I guess.


Everything went wrong today. My coursework still isn't done but quite frankly I'm back to the point where I don't care about much again, which is just fab 8-).


Argh, I'm going bed.
Night.